This morning had an eerie feeling to it. I felt odd as I got up and got ready to go to work (late, sigh). I got to the streets with a heavy fog that looked like it came straight out of a movie. My heart was heavy. And then got heavier as I got a phone call, news one of my friends had died. 36 years old. That's the second 30 something year old friend I've lost in the past few months. In that same period, I turned 30 myself. Has me thinking about my life so far and how unsatisfied I am with it so far. Needless to say, it hasn't been the most festive New Year's Eve for me or those who knew my homeboy.
But the weather forecast for tomorrow, the 1st day of 2010, says "mostly sunny". With that in mind, I wanted to share a few things I'm looking forward to doing in 2010. Things that will make me feel better about how I'm living the few years God's giving me here on this planet. I guess you can call them resolutions.
1. Facebook less and Face-the-Book more. Nothing wrong with facebook and other social networking sites. In fact I love being connected with people and being able to communicate faster. I've accomplished a lot through these sites and love them, but not when it's taking me away from more critical things I should be doing. Nothing more critical than staying equipped by reading the Bible and other books that feed the Spirit.
2. Fear less and Love more. Not that I don't love, I do. But it's just that after going through the jungle of fear and reason in my head, love doesn't look like love anymore. It's inorganic and looks formularized. Afraid that people can't handle it or might misunderstand it, I've really loved less. Fear and reason has ruled and love has suffered. I'm putting an end to that. People need love, whether they are ready for it or not. I'm going to love, and it's going to be unadulterated, uncensored, and never in question.
3. Fight less and Write more. I've had some fights this year. I fought others, fought myself, and even fought God. Undoubtedly I'll have to face some battles in 2010, but I want to avoid the unnecessary ones. And I'm going to write more. Write more poetry, more songs, more blogs, and more journal entries. One day, after I'm gone, the words God has given me will live on.
4. Give less hate, give more Grace. God's Grace is truly amazing. So amazing that I want to share it with others. If people's sins don't separate them from God's love, while should it separate them from mine. I'm going to see people make mistakes, and I'm going to help them recover from it. I'll see them fall and let them step all over me to get back up. I'll see some rising to the top and help push them even higher.
5. Less me, more Jesus. The world doesn't need me; they need Jesus. I don't need me, I need Jesus.
I hope as the dawn of a new year approaches we experience no more fogs or storms but a year that is "mostly sunny".
Happy New Year
Tope
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Friday, September 11, 2009
Stranger Than Fiction (2 of 2)
Part 1
I've always known that God is the Author of my story; the Author and the Finisher. Now I want Him to be everything in between as well. But as I give every single detail over to Him I'm reminded just how important our individual stories are.
The other night I was at a Bible Study with a couple of my friends. Actually it was just three of us and we were breaking down Ephesians chapter 4. Great and timely discussion that stirred so much inside of me. My buddy Noe read a passage from the book Crazy Love that I don't think I'll forget for a while. In fact, I'm thinking about purchasing a copy of the book even though I don't have a whole lot of free time to read it. I was reminded of the magnitude of God and how minuscule I am in comparison. Also the magnitude of eternity and how minuscule my life span is in comparison. It makes all my fighting, complaining, selfishness, pride, and envy seem stupid.
The reality is that my story, your story, our stories, are all a part of an even bigger story. Each individual story is like a paragraph on the page of a book that has millions of pages. Think Adam & Eve, Abraham, Moses, Joseph, Rahab, Elijah, Daniel, Hosea, Mary, Peter, John, Paul, Barnabas, etc. And then think of Joan of Arc, Constantine, Napolean, Shakespeare, Martin Luther, John Calvin, Albert Einstein, Isaac Newton, George Washington, Winston Churchill, Queen Elizabeth, Mahatma Ghandi, Adolf Hitler, Dr King, Mother Theresa, etc. Trillions more have walked on the face of this planet and they all have their stories. And imagine all these stories are all in the same book.
God is not only the author of the book; He is also the subject. The book is about Him. Every story, including mine and yours, points back to Him. Every detail; your career, public service, ministry, and yes even your romance is written for the ultimate purpose to bring Glory to our God.
God pays so much attention to us; sometimes He makes us feel like we are the only ones on this planet that matter. His love for us is so strong and extravagant that it doesnt seem possible for Him to love everybody else the same way. But He does. While you're trying to get God to make our lives the greatest story ever told, remember the story isnt even about you. Nor is it about me. It's beyond us. Beyond our time. Beyond time, period. He exists beyond the limits of time. The big story, the big picture, is about Him. The Creator of this universe. Remember that.
I've always known that God is the Author of my story; the Author and the Finisher. Now I want Him to be everything in between as well. But as I give every single detail over to Him I'm reminded just how important our individual stories are.
The other night I was at a Bible Study with a couple of my friends. Actually it was just three of us and we were breaking down Ephesians chapter 4. Great and timely discussion that stirred so much inside of me. My buddy Noe read a passage from the book Crazy Love that I don't think I'll forget for a while. In fact, I'm thinking about purchasing a copy of the book even though I don't have a whole lot of free time to read it. I was reminded of the magnitude of God and how minuscule I am in comparison. Also the magnitude of eternity and how minuscule my life span is in comparison. It makes all my fighting, complaining, selfishness, pride, and envy seem stupid.
The reality is that my story, your story, our stories, are all a part of an even bigger story. Each individual story is like a paragraph on the page of a book that has millions of pages. Think Adam & Eve, Abraham, Moses, Joseph, Rahab, Elijah, Daniel, Hosea, Mary, Peter, John, Paul, Barnabas, etc. And then think of Joan of Arc, Constantine, Napolean, Shakespeare, Martin Luther, John Calvin, Albert Einstein, Isaac Newton, George Washington, Winston Churchill, Queen Elizabeth, Mahatma Ghandi, Adolf Hitler, Dr King, Mother Theresa, etc. Trillions more have walked on the face of this planet and they all have their stories. And imagine all these stories are all in the same book.
God is not only the author of the book; He is also the subject. The book is about Him. Every story, including mine and yours, points back to Him. Every detail; your career, public service, ministry, and yes even your romance is written for the ultimate purpose to bring Glory to our God.
God pays so much attention to us; sometimes He makes us feel like we are the only ones on this planet that matter. His love for us is so strong and extravagant that it doesnt seem possible for Him to love everybody else the same way. But He does. While you're trying to get God to make our lives the greatest story ever told, remember the story isnt even about you. Nor is it about me. It's beyond us. Beyond our time. Beyond time, period. He exists beyond the limits of time. The big story, the big picture, is about Him. The Creator of this universe. Remember that.
Monday, September 7, 2009
Stranger than Fiction (part 1 of 2)
Labor Day 2009.
A day spent grading assignments at home left me with an evening wanting to do something adventurous. So I found myself walking around Borders bookstore with my iPod in my ear browsing the Religious section and at the same time doing a lot of thinking. Thinking about my life - past, present, and future - reminded me of the movie Stranger Than Fiction. Its been over a year since I watched it so I might be a little off on the details but travel with my thoughts for a minute.
The movie stars Will Ferrell and Dustin Hoffman among others. Ferrell's character finds out that his life is actually a book being written by some author battling writer's block. He starts hearing a voice (the author's) narrating his daily activities and thinks he's losing his mind. The author has no clue she's actually writing the true story of a man but everything she rights about him comes to pass. His once boring life became a world of interest when he falls in love with a woman. You can imagine his hurt when he finds out the author is going to kill his character (him) before the book ends. He somehow finds out where the author works and shows up at her office trying to change her mind.
Now let's imagine our lives as books or stories in a book. If you could get the author to change anything what would you change? What (or who) would you remove from or add into your life? Ever feel like whoever was doing the writing was going through writer's block? I was thinking about this when I saw a book at Borders. A line on the cover of the book said something that got my attention. It said "...letting God write your romance...". Now there's many ways I would like the romance in my life to read. I remember the night I watched the movie; I was experiencing the end of a relationship I really didn't want to end. Gosh, I wished I could have run into an office building and begged my author to rewrite my story so that this person wouldn't leave. I had said and done all the right things that I knew how to. How could she leave after I gave hear my heart. She had me doing stuff for her I had never done for anybody else (and probably will never do for anybody now). But I still couldn't make her stay. I tried to write out my story but couldn't get it to end the way I wanted.
Truth is we all want to write our story. We want to be at the author's typewriter and punch at the keys that tell our story. Our success story. Our career story. Our family story. Our romance story. It's really hard to be still and live out the life someone else is writing. But the most beautiful romance is the one written by the Author of life Himself. His plan for your life story is so much more beautiful than any "boy meets girl" story you can imagine. Better than any "rags to riches" tale you can come up with in your head. You may not see it now but just wait till He's done with it. Oh how He wants to inspire many with your life story. He knows exactly how. After all, He's been doing it for a while. Since the beginning of time to be exact. He knows why he/she walked out of your life. He knows why you are where you are right now; doing what you're doing. It's all part of the wonderful beautiful story He's writing. And only He knows how it ends.
Every time I try to "make things happen", it doesn't. Or it does for a minute but then ends in a disaster. So I'm done fighting Him. I'm done trying to re-write or finish my story. I'm done trying to figure out why, or when, or how. My romance. My career. My legacy. My life. I want it all to rest like playdoh in His Hands. Like a still blank page. And let Him write away.
(part 2 coming later this week)
A day spent grading assignments at home left me with an evening wanting to do something adventurous. So I found myself walking around Borders bookstore with my iPod in my ear browsing the Religious section and at the same time doing a lot of thinking. Thinking about my life - past, present, and future - reminded me of the movie Stranger Than Fiction. Its been over a year since I watched it so I might be a little off on the details but travel with my thoughts for a minute.
The movie stars Will Ferrell and Dustin Hoffman among others. Ferrell's character finds out that his life is actually a book being written by some author battling writer's block. He starts hearing a voice (the author's) narrating his daily activities and thinks he's losing his mind. The author has no clue she's actually writing the true story of a man but everything she rights about him comes to pass. His once boring life became a world of interest when he falls in love with a woman. You can imagine his hurt when he finds out the author is going to kill his character (him) before the book ends. He somehow finds out where the author works and shows up at her office trying to change her mind.
Now let's imagine our lives as books or stories in a book. If you could get the author to change anything what would you change? What (or who) would you remove from or add into your life? Ever feel like whoever was doing the writing was going through writer's block? I was thinking about this when I saw a book at Borders. A line on the cover of the book said something that got my attention. It said "...letting God write your romance...". Now there's many ways I would like the romance in my life to read. I remember the night I watched the movie; I was experiencing the end of a relationship I really didn't want to end. Gosh, I wished I could have run into an office building and begged my author to rewrite my story so that this person wouldn't leave. I had said and done all the right things that I knew how to. How could she leave after I gave hear my heart. She had me doing stuff for her I had never done for anybody else (and probably will never do for anybody now). But I still couldn't make her stay. I tried to write out my story but couldn't get it to end the way I wanted.
Truth is we all want to write our story. We want to be at the author's typewriter and punch at the keys that tell our story. Our success story. Our career story. Our family story. Our romance story. It's really hard to be still and live out the life someone else is writing. But the most beautiful romance is the one written by the Author of life Himself. His plan for your life story is so much more beautiful than any "boy meets girl" story you can imagine. Better than any "rags to riches" tale you can come up with in your head. You may not see it now but just wait till He's done with it. Oh how He wants to inspire many with your life story. He knows exactly how. After all, He's been doing it for a while. Since the beginning of time to be exact. He knows why he/she walked out of your life. He knows why you are where you are right now; doing what you're doing. It's all part of the wonderful beautiful story He's writing. And only He knows how it ends.
Every time I try to "make things happen", it doesn't. Or it does for a minute but then ends in a disaster. So I'm done fighting Him. I'm done trying to re-write or finish my story. I'm done trying to figure out why, or when, or how. My romance. My career. My legacy. My life. I want it all to rest like playdoh in His Hands. Like a still blank page. And let Him write away.
"God, You started this story. And I'm going to let You finish it. "In case you are wondering, Will Ferrell's character in the movie doesn't die at the end of the book after all. The author wrote him getting into a really bad accident but he recovered and lived happily ever after (whatever that means) with the love of his life.
(part 2 coming later this week)
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Strange Land
I was talking to a friend of mine, who happens to be Mexican-American, the other day and she shared with me some of the struggles she had growing up. She was raised in the U.S. but never totally felt American. She was always reminded that she didnt totally fit in no matter how much she tried. She did all she knew to do to look American, talk American, act American, be American. But she couldnt shake the Mexican in her and never quite felt 'American' enough. She just couldnt fit in.
Originating from a foreign culture myself, I definitely can relate. I went through my years of identity crisis. Every now and then I'm reminded I'm still a foreigner; I dont quite fit in. I feel the same with music. It's like the music i'm totally feeling is despised by the majority. The songs I feel should be hits are slept on while the radio plays tunes that hurt my ears. It's like nobody hears what I hear. I just can't fit in.
My beliefs in Jesus Christ make me even more foreign. I don't have to say or do much different to be treated differently or rejected because of my beliefs. Sometimes its the stereotypes and generalizations about us Believers that leave us left out. Rejected. It's like nobody sees what I see. I just can't fit in. Don't get me wrong, I'm not ashamed of my past (my heritage) and defintely not ashamed of my future (my Faith) but my present sure does feel strange
listen to Strange Land on myspace NOW
Originating from a foreign culture myself, I definitely can relate. I went through my years of identity crisis. Every now and then I'm reminded I'm still a foreigner; I dont quite fit in. I feel the same with music. It's like the music i'm totally feeling is despised by the majority. The songs I feel should be hits are slept on while the radio plays tunes that hurt my ears. It's like nobody hears what I hear. I just can't fit in.
My beliefs in Jesus Christ make me even more foreign. I don't have to say or do much different to be treated differently or rejected because of my beliefs. Sometimes its the stereotypes and generalizations about us Believers that leave us left out. Rejected. It's like nobody sees what I see. I just can't fit in. Don't get me wrong, I'm not ashamed of my past (my heritage) and defintely not ashamed of my future (my Faith) but my present sure does feel strange
listen to Strange Land on myspace NOW
Friday, August 21, 2009
Breathe & Believe...while grocery shopping
Yet another random video with some great music
Breathe & Believe snippet from 832 Movement on Vimeo.
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
I AM
I AM
(circa August 2002)"i am what i am" and "i can when i can"
come "stand where i stand" and you'll "demand for a fan"(hell's hot)
your hand me down knowledge, thoughts recycled through years in college
you "fear to acknowledge" my existence for theories full of garbage
no i'm not God the Father, God the son, nor God the Holy Spirit
actually i'm the opposite, i exist to twist the truth so you don't believe it
yeah God is everywhere, well i'm catching up real quickly, but you don't see me
i've disguised my devices so skillfully, and YOU can free or unfree me
part of my master plan, is to distract you from the Master's plan
then snatch you from the Master's hand, have you runnin like the taliban
cuz i am....your mental supplier supplying you with those suicidal thoughts
and i can...boost your ego when you rob your liquor store and don't get caught
plus i ran...up your intellect and stripped it of most of its moral conscience
and i stand...to fall, but all y'all, will be my fellow residents
though i lose, your soul i'll win, you don't hate me, YOU LET ME IN
through the tv, radios, and stereos, all up in your mind the sin begins
i'm in the clothes you sport, the pain and hurt, your quest to get up a skirt
i'm in the sites you read, the nights you bleed, supplied your weed, from dirt
i was flying the plane, that came, that destroyed the New York City skyline
i was the pen that wrote, lyrics that broke, spirits and you called it a fly rhyme
i am disaster, i am death, i am the profanity in your every other breath
i am murder, i am rape, i am the cocaine in your brother's head
i am sickness and i am starvation, i am fraud and i am voodo
i am weak, i am helpless but i am strong cuz i control you
i am...
"I am what I am" and "I can when I can"
come "stand where i stand" and you'll "understand" my whole "plan"
I am Omniscient, I know it all, I am wisdom that taught you "how to crawl"
but you chose to walk without my guidance and in your ignorance..."now you fall"
I am Omnipotent, all the power you could ever need i "already got"
I made the universe with one verse, and I'm keeping the sun "steady hot"
I am Omnipresent, I'm everywhere I see the most wicked of all your deeds
I see your greed, I see your weed, I see as your mind in its inner "core bleeds"
I see your heart striving for "righteousness", seeking the light but "not just yet"
persecuting My messengers speaking LIfe and spreading the truth about My love "not just death"
I am Life,I'm the reason you "read and write", I am the breath you "breathe as life"
when your soul was "dark as night", I came through with the "beacon Light"
listen child, I was there to hold you tight the night your mom took her life
I will put food on your table, keep your pockets stable, your soul alive
I am Love, a love that gives without taking till it can give no more
a love that doesn't force its way, but someday, will be adored
a love that I've put in every man's heart, but not every "man starts"
to reach out of the flesh, and digest from Heaven's "vanguard"
I am the Creator, nothing exists or will exist or come to be without Me
your land, your plants, your ants,all man, and still you can stand to doubt Me
I am Life, I'm "bleeding ink", to your destiny I am that "missing link"
out of Me flows more Glory than water flowing from your "kitchen sink"
Think...read my "blueprint",the One True "Jehovah" is bound to stay on His throne
I am THE GREAT I AM, I do all that I can, so no man, has to stand on his own
I AM...
I am what I am and I can when I can
come stand where I stand lift your hands and say Amen
I am human, born into this sinful world from my mother's womb
cursed by the deeds of Adam, sentenced to eternity's tomb
consunmed by the desires of my flesh, I lived chained to the grave
now I'm chained to life through Christ's cross stained as He gave
gave Life through death, brought healing through bloody stripes
renewed and renamed me called me "blessed" and soon His wife
I am who I am today because of Who God is
I live the life I live because I'm not mine I'm God's kid
I am becoming a portrait of my Maker so all can see His beauty
I am becoming His voice and His hands but not so you can view me
I am invisible just so you can see He's invincible
a mouthpiece to relate NOT DEBATE His divine principles
I am part of a body, a family and truly we're indivisible
We spit truth, to the grown and the youth, trying to plant new fruit, but they find it inconceivable
I am what I am 'cause God said that I am
and if you don't like me, its cool, you ain't gotta shake my hand
But please shake His hand, and let Him show you a new plan
loose you from this deceitful world, make you a free man
I am an injector of Truth, like a reflector of Light
I am like a polygraph...a detector of lies
Thursday, August 13, 2009
This Is Just A Warning
So, this morning on my way to work I got pulled over. I was driving on 5th street, [sarcasm]and I totally love 5th street[/sarcasm]. Anyways, i'm getting pulled over by a cop on a motorcycle. I immediately went into "innocent until proven guilty" mode even though I knew I was going over the speed limit. So I pull into the parking lot of a park (same one where I used to play basketball back in the day), thinking this is not the best way to start my day. So the cop gets off his bike and gestures for me to let my window down. I did, of course. He then asked for my driver's license. No "Good morning", no "how are you doing sir?" no "Hey, arent you dogfight!? I love your music". None of that. I mean the least he could have done was asked for my autograph. Geez!
Anyways, I obliged and gave him my driver's
license. He then tells me he pulled me over because I was speeding AND my registration had expired. I had no excuse for the registration but like anyone in my shoes would do; I told him I had no idea I was speeding. He then tells me I was driving at 45 mph in a 30mph zone. No way! I took a couple of seconds to think of an intelligent response as I saw him writing up what looked like a ticket. I'm stuttering trying to come up with words to keep him from continuing to write; actually considered crying. (In hindsight, i'm realizing that its just a ticket that I could either take a drivers safety course and get dismissed or just pay the couple hundred dollar fine. Definitely not worth crying about).
So he hands me the piece of paper he had been writing on and tells me to go get my new registration sticker. And then he says the five word phrase that totally changed my life (okay maybe not life, but at least my morning). He says "this is just a warning". All of a sudden I no longer wanted to jump up and fight this cop who is much bigger than me; now I wanted to jump out of my car and give him a big bear hug. But then I remembered he had a gun so I just smiled and thanked him.
A bit dramatic? Yeah I know but for the record, this is the first time EVER i've been pulled over and just been giving a warning. And this was for not just one but two offenses. I've always wondered what it felt like and after today I wonder no more. This makes me think of all the offenses I've committed against the Almighty God and how I deserve eternal damnation. I broke the law and deserve the punishment. But just like the cop this morning, the Lord has mercy on me. Instead of a ticket to hell, He lets me off with the opportunity and the ability to get right.
But unlike this Stafford Police Department officer, the decision cost God the sacrifice and humiliation of His Son dying on a man-made Cross. Thank You Father, thank You Jesus. I'm now going to get my registration sticker. First thing tomorrow.
Grace & Peace
Anyways, I obliged and gave him my driver's
license. He then tells me he pulled me over because I was speeding AND my registration had expired. I had no excuse for the registration but like anyone in my shoes would do; I told him I had no idea I was speeding. He then tells me I was driving at 45 mph in a 30mph zone. No way! I took a couple of seconds to think of an intelligent response as I saw him writing up what looked like a ticket. I'm stuttering trying to come up with words to keep him from continuing to write; actually considered crying. (In hindsight, i'm realizing that its just a ticket that I could either take a drivers safety course and get dismissed or just pay the couple hundred dollar fine. Definitely not worth crying about).So he hands me the piece of paper he had been writing on and tells me to go get my new registration sticker. And then he says the five word phrase that totally changed my life (okay maybe not life, but at least my morning). He says "this is just a warning". All of a sudden I no longer wanted to jump up and fight this cop who is much bigger than me; now I wanted to jump out of my car and give him a big bear hug. But then I remembered he had a gun so I just smiled and thanked him.
A bit dramatic? Yeah I know but for the record, this is the first time EVER i've been pulled over and just been giving a warning. And this was for not just one but two offenses. I've always wondered what it felt like and after today I wonder no more. This makes me think of all the offenses I've committed against the Almighty God and how I deserve eternal damnation. I broke the law and deserve the punishment. But just like the cop this morning, the Lord has mercy on me. Instead of a ticket to hell, He lets me off with the opportunity and the ability to get right.
10Jesus stood up and said to her, "Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?" 11She said, "No one, Lord." And Jesus said, "Neither do I condemn you; go, and from now on sin no more." JOHN 8
But unlike this Stafford Police Department officer, the decision cost God the sacrifice and humiliation of His Son dying on a man-made Cross. Thank You Father, thank You Jesus. I'm now going to get my registration sticker. First thing tomorrow.
Grace & Peace
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Welcome
Welcome. Grace & Peace to you, my brothers and sisters. I want to thank you for taking the time to visit my blog. It is an honor that you would take the time to read, listen, or watch what lil ole me has to say. There's so much you could be doing with your time and I'm humbled that you've chosen to spend a few of the moments given to you by God with me. Hope its not a waste.
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